Left behind

Hello, My name is Becky and I am an American living in Bahrain.


Trying to play catch up on my expat blog challenge- crazy week! So one of the prompts I missed was something I left behind.


What to pick among the many treasures left in boxes stored in my parent's garage? Or maybe I should go deeper and talk about leaving behind family, friends and community. So hard to pick one.


But I keep thinking about my friend Kelli's truth that most expats are running away from something. I didn't ever think this applied to me really. But I've been thinking about it and I think maybe I did leave something behind- some of my identity and purpose.


I was super involved in my community before we moved overseas. I was on city council for a time, served on the library committee and the parks commission, and wrote for our local paper. I was in a mothers of preschoolers group, volunteered in my daughter's classroom and went to playgroup. I worked with kids from nursery to youth at our church. We had lots of really good friends and neighbors. I felt like I knew who I was. I felt like I made a difference, was appreciated and liked.


Then I became an 'accompanying spouse'. And didn't know what to say about myself when meeting all these new people.  I didn't have a job. I was staying at home with a toddler in a nanny culture. I was afraid to drive at first. I felt paralyzed by the overwhelming newness of everything. And Bahrain is pretty easy...not that foreign or remote. It was a great baby step and if we get another adventure- hopefully I'll be better prepared.


But I really floundered. I felt lost. I had no friends, no identity. I didn't feel needed or like I was making a difference- I was home alone with my two year-old, trapped inside because it was too hot to go anywhere- going stir crazy and homesick at the same time. My confidence plummeted. But slowly, I started driving, made some great friends, found some activities like playgroup, Joy School, Music Makers, church involvement, tutoring, the Bahrain Writer's Circle and volunteering. And I feel like I found my sense of self again- although it is different. And I'm still less confident.


I have a friend who is going to take a year off of work and she asked me if I had any advice. I said the first few days when meeting new people at dinner parties and they say 'oh, what do you do?' that you need to have a good answer. It is all how you frame it to. My answer when we got here was 'I don't know...there was maybe a job for me...I might just stay home... maybe write?" I felt insignificant and apologetic. I wish now I had framed it more confidently. "I feel so lucky. I have the opportunity to stay home for a bit and pursue some of my hobbies like cooking and writing. I plan to teach my son preschool and do some volunteer work." Because I really was lucky. I loved the extra few years I got with my son. And I did do a lot while "at home" that I am proud of.  I think it is really in the telling....if not for other people, for yourself! My other advice to her was to find some activities right away, but not too many. A cooking class, a writer's group, a coffee hour... something scheduled. Transitions are tough.
I hope I take my own advice the next time we transition and take more of my confidence, sense of purpose and identity with me!