A big "To Do" on my To Do list is to go through the three boxes of sentimental stuff I've kept over the years. After several moves, it is time to weed it down before it goes once again to live in my parent's basement.
I've worked on it for a little bit today and made good progress- I am now down to two boxes. I'm hoping to get to one, but all the hardest stuff remains. Cards, newspaper clippings, photos, brochures from trips, and a bunch of started then abandoned journals. At least eight. I need to consolidate those! But is there anything worth saving in them...?
The worst is the teenage stuff- "I am so in love with this boy and he doesn't know I am alive..." and "My parents won't let me do anything!" replaced by college "I just got end-of-the-semester dumped!" and "I'm sure I failed that final!" drama. (Note all of the exclamation points- my life was nothing but exclamation points from 12 to 21.) And so many melancholy journal entries. I may not have worn all black and listened to the Smiths all day, but I was a sad emo goth girl at heart! I was so silly.
I was talking to my dad and Roger about the stuff I keep. Photos of my car accident, a letter of recommendation that didn't recommend me for a NY internship, letters of fights with friends in high school, photos of dances best forgotten, rejection letters, etc. I especially like to keep stuff that reminds me of my past mistakes and failings. My dad said "It's a box of deep regrets and terrible memories? Why are you keeping that stuff?" I wondered that to Roger and he said "Because you are still 16 at heart." Maybe true.
So my gift to myself this week is that I will let it go. I will chip away at it until I am free of all that junk and just have one nice manageable box of happiness and love. I will rewrite my past so Evelyn will never discover my awkward years, teenage angst or boy-crazy drama. I'm sure she will have plenty of her own.
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